As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
