i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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