But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you would pick up someone in the library
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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