He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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