What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
