We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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