my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
