Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
