I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
