we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
