He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
