I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
