thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
