I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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