I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
