I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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