I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
