So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
