Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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