you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
