Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
