K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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