Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
