Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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