OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
