If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
