weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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