she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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