You're a womanizer and a bitch.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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