I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize