By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
