I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
