so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
