Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
