i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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