she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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