Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
