i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
