she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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