I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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