Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
