I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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