He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
