I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
