It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
