Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
