Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
