he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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