You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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