So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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