Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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