yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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