He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize