you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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