so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
