You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
