I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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