He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
