Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
