you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Redeem this text for a blowjob
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
