Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
