as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
