i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
